I figured it out...

You know why us women, and especially now that we're moms also, can come across as bitchy and nagging? Because we don't ask for help. We think we can do it all. We think our husband can read our minds about the messy house or the fact that the laundry is still waiting to be folded.

First of all, most men don't care about these things. I have tested it. While I was pregnant, I nicely asked Kyle to pick up anything that was on the ground since I couldn't bend over anymore. There was a single Qtip in the middle of our bathroom floor. I thought to myself, "How long will it stay there?" It was bugging the heck out of me, but I would rather step on it than attempt bending over on tile floor. You know how long it stayed there? Well over a week until I couldn't take it anymore. I hastily bent over to pick it up while somewhat screaming to Kyle, "YOU DON'T SEE THIS DOWN HERE?! I TOLD YOU I NEEDED YOU TO PICK UP EVERYTHING ON THE FLOOR SINCE I CAN'T!" I honestly don't think he even noticed the Qtip on our floor at all and if he did, it certainly didn't bother him like it did me. I bet if I had just asked the very first time I saw it, if he would please throw it away, he would have kindly obliged. Neither of us would have given it any thought. He wouldn't have thought I was being a biotch and I wouldn't have had to scream.

So you see, if we would just ask the first time something bothers us or ask when we need help, we would probably be a lot nicer to our husbands. Even better, they would be happy to help instead of feeling like they have to because we screamed at them. I'm going to work on this.

I'm quickly learning that I can't do it all and I need to ask for help. I'm on the go from 5am until 11pm now that I'm back at work. Instead of glaring at Kyle while he cozily sits on the couch watching TV while I am pumping or fixing bottles or cleaning up the kitchen, maybe I should just ask him to help me get the bottles ready? I am willing to bet that he would and have no problem doing so. I'm looking forward to seeing how this epiphany will change my life, my mood, and my marriage. Glad I could save the rest of you the trouble of waiting to figure it out.

Teacher's Pet

Holt's First day of Daycare

As most of you probably know by now, I have embarked on my journey of Working Motherhood. This is an entirely new and different type of Motherhood. I returned to work on October 4th. I was in complete denial about returning to work so I really did not think much about where Holt was going to go until he was about 4 weeks old. Did I want a nanny? Did I want him in daycare? Did I want to sell everything I own and live in a box just so I could be with my baby all day? (It wouldn't be that bad, I'm choosing to return to work.) I called the daycares around my house, no openings. I searched online Nanny services and immediately got freaked out about some stranger coming into my home and caring for my baby the way I had for 12 weeks. I called a daycare by my office, BINGO. They had an opening. Just to be sure I called other daycares around my office, NO OPENINGS. I sure hoped I liked the school since it was looking to be my only option. In the beginning, I didn't think I would want him at a daycare where he would be left alone all day without much attention. Then I started liking the idea of security that it offered. Needless to say, he is enrolled in that daycare by my office, about 3 minutes from my office to be exact. I wouldn't have it any other way! I'm allowed to go feed him at lunch time and I like that I am so close in case they needed me for something. Moving on...there are several things I have noticed about Daycare.

-It's great people watching. I am there for about 30 minutes or so at lunch so I observe the kiddos (only 4 allowed in the infant class) and wonder, "Why are they here?" Then sometimes I have to feed him before we go home so I see their parents pick them up. Interesting. "THAT's what her mom looks like?" "Man, his dad is short, he's screwed." And "Wow, her parents are old."
-The teacher, in her broken English, loves talking smack about the kids and their parents. "This one is spoiled, her parents let her sleep in bed with them." "This one only wears organic diapers and eats organic food, what a pain." Surely she has nothing bad to say about my perfect child right?
-That brings me to my next observation, I'm certain my child is perfect compared to the other monster's in his classroom. I now understand why everyone mom thinks their child is the best and most perfect child in the world. I'm just glad that it's actually true for me. :)
-I learned quickly the most efficient way to drop off and pick up your child by observing the other moms. DO NOT bring your purse in. Keys only. Smart. I'm considering never carrying a purse now that I have a child. How annoying is that and a diaper bag?
-I have a crusty kid. I always told myself I wouldn't have a crusty kid. Every kid in daycare is crusty.They are always getting their noses wiped and coughing up stuff. When I pick him up he has a nose full of boogers and sleepies all over his face. I don't even mind, I'm just happy to see my crusty baby.

OOPS! Don't make of mess of your outfit at school or you get to wear clothes that don't match!


This is all sounding like I didn't have a hard time dropping him off the first day. I cried for about 5 minutes in the car before I could get him out. He was sleeping so peacefully and had no idea that this was the first day we would be separated all day long. Poor guy never saw it coming. I cried carrying him in, cried handing over his bottles, cried handing him over, and then smiled when I saw him smile at me. It's like he was saying, "It's ok Mommy, see I'm just fine." I cried on my way to work, cried when my mom called to see how I was doing, cried when Kyle called to see how I was doing. After I saw him at lunch, I didn't cry anymore. He was happy and well taken care of. I'm certain he is the teacher's pet. She always tells me wonderful stories about him and how happy and smiley he is all day long. Rarely sleeps, but also rarely fussy. I look in the window on the door before going in sometimes and she's almost always looking at him adoringly. I hope he has this effect on people his whole life. She's also told me he's a bit of a chatterbox. He loves "talking" to her and the hanging animals on his bounce and mobile.

There's that smile!

Starting in November I will be working from home on Mondays and Fridays. I think I get the best of both worlds by getting my adult interaction at the office 3 days a week, and getting to be a Mommy to my little boy the other 4 days! Now I'm off to finish my Mother's Milk Tea to keep up my supply...it's never ending I tell ya! A breastfeeding working Mom is an entire blog in itself, I'll be sure to fill you in on that when I have more time.

I Didn't Know...

These are some things I didn't know about myself, motherhood, and life in general before Holt came into our lives.

I didn't know:
-I was a speed eater. Thinking about signing up for the Hot Dog Eating contest on the 4th next year because I can eat so fast now.
-That going to dinner at a reasonable time meant eating with the Senior Citizen crowd
-That going to the mall during the week meant the Mall Walkers would be out in full force(see above for age group reference)
-I would complain about the weather and heat so much
-I would need a chiropractor from all the leaning over and lifting
-Most my conversations would start with "I saw on Oprah..."
-I was still so immature because I laugh when Holt rips one or grunts when he's having a BM
-That changing so many diapers really wouldn't bother me at all
-I would be so THIRSTY and so HUNGRY while breastfeeding
-I would cry at every birth I see on TV from here on out or cry at stories that involve children, or cry at baby lotion commercials, or cry at...pretty much everything.
-I could be so enraged at bad drivers and desperately want to roll down my window and yell "I HAVE A BABY IN THIS CAR YOU A#%$&*^!!!" Seriously contemplating getting a BABY ON BOARD thing for my window.
-That letting him sleep on me would make me so happy, nothing compares
-Differentiating myself as a mother and a wife would be so difficult
-I would see my husband in a whole new light. Watching him smile at Holt is sometimes better than watching Holt smile at him.
-I would want to video record everything he does so I don't forget a second
-I would be so bad at getting those videos and pictures so I don't forget a second
-Getting his baby book together would take me so long, still haven't started.
-I could already be thinking about a second baby so soon (not happening, I've just changed my mind about how far apart I want them)
-That my dog would really be moved to the back burner.
-That my husband would really be moved to the back burner.
-My clothes seriously wouldn't fit after 2 months, still!!!
-Having a kid brings out the kid in you (Love me some Disney Tunes!)


I'm sure there is more, so I'll probably add to my list as more time goes by!

2 Months!

Holt is 2 months old! We kicked off his 2 month birthday with a trip to the pediatrician for his first round of shots. I thought for sure I was going to cry at the sight of so much pain being inflicted on my baby, but I pulled it together. He did pretty well too. He is 10lbs 14oz, in the 25th%, and 24inches, in the 75th%. He's tall and skinny! The pediatrician says she can't find a thing wrong with him, I agree!

He has been such a joy. Yes we were tired the first couple of weeks, but once he got this sleeping thing down, he's been great! We got very lucky with such an easy baby.

Favs:
-Bath time! Kyle enjoys giving him his baths so they can have some guy time
-Listening to music, he kicks and squeals with such excitement like it's the best thing EVER
-Having conversations, we talk back and forth. He tells me all about his day.
-Learning TCU chants
-Waking up in the mornings, wakes up with a big smile on his face ready to face the day
-Watching TV, especially football
-Watching the ceiling fans and lights
-Sleeping in his swing (Thank you Meme!)
-Sleeping on Mommy
-Running errands, or just being out and about



DISlikes
-Nap time during the day (but it's because he sleeps so well at night, he can take cat naps during the day in return for 6 hours at night!)
-Being alone (like if I leave for a second to go to the restroom)
-Changing his diaper (especially the first one of the day)
-Getting strapped in his carrier
-Startling himself at naptime

Typical schedule:
5am- Wakes up for a feeding, goes back to sleep
8am-Wakes up for a feeding, wants to go back to sleep but instead I get ready, then get him ready. We read a book and say his morning prayer. I have my breakfast while he swings, and usually falls asleep. I take advantage of this time and do a Brazil Butt Lift Workout
11am-He eats and we play with rattles or run an errand. I try to get out at least once a day. If not, he sits in his Boppy and watches me fold clothes or we "talk". He fights this next nap the hardest, and I'm lucky if he'll sleep for 30 minutes. Just in time for me to eat some lunch and waste time on Facebook.
2pm-Another feeding. Then we go to his nursery and listen to music on my iPhone with the Pandora app. He loves Toddler Radio and I especially love when they play Disney music. I sing out loud, although I'm probably damaging his hearing, and he watches me and smiles. Bentley joins us on the blanket and is finally warming up to his new little buddy. He likes to lay right next to him and even allows Holt to kick him. Holt usually falls asleep in my arms while I'm doing stuff around the house so I let him sleep on me until his next feeding. Usually only about 30 minutes again.
5pm- Another feeding. We briefly play with something. I try to always talk to him about what we're doing, describe the colors and let him feel different textures. Like, "This is your orange rattle. Do you like the sound it makes? This is how you shake your rattle. Feel it?" I like to think this is making him a genius. He swings while I figure out dinner and wait for Daddy to get home and rescue us. He plays with Daddy when he gets home and rarely falls asleep again at this time.
8pm-Feed him. He gets a bath or just gets ready for bed and we put him to bed at 9pm after we says his prayers and listen to Jesus Loves Me. This has been working well for us. It took us awhile to figure out his "bedtime". Since he's becoming more regular in his schedule, this has worked out great. Finally, Kyle and I enjoy some time together in the living room.
11pm- I feed him one last time before I go to bed. He goes right back to sleep and we hope for another great night!

This next week is my last on maternity leave. I cry daily almost thinking about it. I return to work on October 4th and Holt will go to daycare. The daycare is about a minute from my office and I can go whenever I want to visit him! My bosses are being very kind and allowing me to work from home on Mondays and Fridays starting in November. So 3 days in the office and 4 day weekends. I will still be working on Mondays and Fridays, but it will be such a relief to not have to commute those days and spend more time with Holt. AND we only have to pay part time daycare tuition! So in other words, I hope October flies by since I'll be working full time that month. It's going to be tough because Holt and I are becoming great buddies. I'm sure he'll be fine and I'll be the sad one.

First Mall Outing

Holt and I ventured to the mall for the first time yesterday. It was a gloomy day and I thought it would do our moods good to get out of the house. But to be perfectly honest, I really just wanted an Auntie Anne's pretzel (jalapeno with cheese dip, mmm). My mouth was watering every time I thought about one so I went all the way to the mall to get it. This would be my second time getting the stroller out of my car and I was hoping I didn't look like the "newbie" that I knew I was. Well if Supermom and her 2 kids hadn't whipped into the parking space next to me, I would have gotten away with it. Before I could even compose myself to get out of the car and face the 5 minute challenge of getting the stroller out, Holt in, diaper bag and emergency distraction toys packed, Supermom had her 3 year old out in a stroller and her 9 week old safely strapped to her in a Baby Bjorn. There was smoke coming off her sneakers and I swear she said "Eat my dust Newbie." No actually Veronica was very nice, it's amazing how much you learn about someone in a 30 second walk from the parking garage. I even said to her, "You look like a pro!" Dangit, I just exposed myself! UGH, to make matters worse she had to help me figure out how to lower the back part of my stroller because the carrier wouldn't fit. On the way into the mall she said, "You go it?" No Veronica, I want you to walk around with me until we leave to make sure I'm doing this right, OF COURSE I GOT IT. No really, she was very nice and invited me to her Stroller Strides workout class, you get to use your baby to work out. No thanks, I'm playing the "I had a C Section card" as long as I can. So off she went to buy her daughter shoes for school and I went back to the car to get the item I needed to return...crap.

So I got to the register to return the item and this curious little girl walked away from her mom, who didn't even notice, to come look at Holt in the stroller. I noticed she was holding a bird feather. Like the kind you see on the ground in a park, the kind you DO NOT touch because it's so disease ridden. Well her mom, Mom of the Year (not), let her carry this nasty thing around. She kept looking at me and looking at Holt. I tried my best to smile but all I could think was "Please do not touch my child with that nasty feather or your SARS infected fingers! Get away from the stroller." I stood there with a half smile while I slowly turned the stroller 180 degrees away from her. Then I returned the item and contemplated using the store credit on myself or Holt...he won. I found super cute outfits on clearance for like $4 each. This mall outing was looking up finally!

From there it was off to find some clothes for me that accomplished a few things: hiding the leftover belly, looking stylish, and going past my knees when I pull them up. I decided until I start working out again and discover what my new body will look like, I'm a hostage to elastic waisted bottoms. Bring on the leggings! It's too hot for jeans anyways right?

By now I'm dying for that pretzel! Just a new nursing bra purchase away from my treat! I look at the clock, I have about 15 minutes before he wakes up starving to make my purchase, get my pretzel, and get home. 2-3 hours goes by really fast, by the way, when you are nursing your baby. Auntie Anne's here I come, and it's going to be 10 minutes before my delicious jalapeno pretzel is ready. NOOOOOOO!!! The whole reason I forced myself to the mall in the first place! I decide any flavor will do and I just get the original. Still quite tasty. I booked it out of there hoping Supermom and I didn't cross paths again on our way to the parking garage. Of course not, her car was long gone when I got back there. After one more stroller through the door struggle and another stranger asking me, "You got it?" (in which I replied YES as the wheel got stuck on the door so clearly I did not) I made it to the car and devoured my pretzel. This newbie made it home just in time to feed him. I felt so accomplished for the day then I realized it was 1:30. I was exhausted. How was I going to pass the time until Kyle got home??

Special Moments

In my five weeks of being a new mom, I have experienced many special moments. Now that Holt is getting a little more stability and strength, he seems to be growing everyday! Yesterday there were two sweet moments that I wanted to remember and since I'm behind in whipping out his baby book, I thought I would at least write about it so I can refer back to it.

I was feeding him yesterday afternoon and he grabbed onto my pointer finger. I thought it was just a reflex and I went to pull my finger away to change the tv channel or something of that nature. He grabbed onto it even tighter, so tight that I couldn't pry it loose. Again I thought this was a reflex, so I tried again. Again, as soon as he felt me start to pull away he held on even tighter. I realize whatever channel I was trying to change was insignificant compared to my baby just wanting to be that much closer to me. I really started to tear up at the thought of leaving him to go back to work in about 6 weeks and missing more of these sweet moments. How in the world am I going to manage? I'd rather be poor and happy.

Another special moment yesterday was at his bath-time. This is normally a time he hates, but is starting to get used to it. (Partially because he loves the fish towel from Grandma Kummer that keeps him warm the entire time, if you don't have one, get one!) The other night Kyle mentioned that eventually bath-time was going to be he and Holt's time. So instead of hovering to make sure the water was just the right temp and that he cleaned his hands off, I decided to go get his pj's and diaper ready for when he got out. I walked back by the bathroom and the love between Holt and Kyle stopped me in my tracks. I stood in the doorway staring at Kyle holding him in his hands, facing eachother, just smiling back and forth. There was my tall, strong, football playing husband making sweet babytalk to our little boy all in hopes of catching a smile from him. At that moment, I realized I had everything I wanted in life (so far...) and that this was my life. A life I always dreamed of and now it's mine. God is so good and I thank him everyday for the blessings he has given to me. Just thought I would share because we all need a reminder of what life is really about.

The First Month

We survived the first month together as a family! I can't believe it's already been a month (well I'm a week late posting about it, better late than never). I must say, we have a very happy baby. He keeps us calm and in turn we keep him calm. The pediatrician remembers him from the nursery as one of the most chill babies she has ever seen. I think we'll keep him. Here are some of his favorite and not favorite things so far:

Favs
-Walks in the stroller
-Tummy Time on his activity mat, he loves talking at this time
-Being Mommy's tree frog (sleeping all curled up on my chest)
-Naps with Daddy
-Looking at lights and ceiling fans ALL day long
-Moving constantly, he's my squirmy worm (also explains the constant and sometimes painful movements in the womb)
-Looking at Freddy the Frog on his bouncer
-Nighttime routine of saying our prayers and listening to Jesus Loves Me
-Being held


Least Favs
-Diaper Changes, still.
-Changing clothes, still.
-Bath time, this is more of a love hate relationship. Some nights he loves it, some nights he hates it.
-Sleeping (luckily only hates it during the day)
-Socks
-Peeing himself when he sleeps, who wouldn't hate that?



A typical day for us goes like this, our schedules are all contingent upon when he wakes up for his middle of the night feeding:
9am-
Get up for the day and get him ready after eating. We read a book or play with our rattles. I eat breakfast and he sits in his bouncer. This can last anywhere from 2 seconds to 20 minutes. We go on a morning walk.
11am-
I try to make myself look presentable while he chills or naps. Eats around 11:30 or 12:30. I eat quickly and try to pump if he goes down for his long nap.
2pm-
If he wakes up from his long nap, we go do tummy time after he eats. If this is now the time of his long nap, he sleeps and I either pick up the house or rest myself.
5pm-
Usually a feeding in here somewhere before Daddy gets home at 6. Sometimes the feeding is right before we eat at 7ish.
7pm-
Daddy time! He takes him while I shower or mess around on the computer. Sometimes we go to dinner. Another feeding before he gets ready for bed around 9pm.
9pm-
Bath time every other night. We read a prayer and say a prayer together. We play the Jesus Loves Me lamb from Grandma Kummer. He goes down until the next feeding around 10:30 or 11pm.
11pm-
Last feeding of the night. He has slept until 5am a few times, 4am a couple times, but typically wakes up around 3 to eat. See how this can affect our whole day?

He eats 8 times a day and I try to pump at least once, aim for twice. He starts daycare when I go back to work in October and I need a hefty supply built up for that!

He's really a good baby and makes us so happy. We've enjoyed visits from all the grandparents the past 2 weeks and are looking forward to our first TCU game next weekend, on my 27th birthday!