To my baby boy on his 1st Birthday

You would think I would know exactly what to say about you and your future, but the truth is, I don't even know where to begin. I can't describe what it was like to hear you cry for the first time, I can't explain how tired I was the first few months, I can't describe what it feels like to be your mom, and I can't describe how much I love you. Holt Cannon you are nothing short of a blessing in my life. You have only been here for a year and I cannot remember my life without you. How did it used to feel to wake up in the morning and not rush down the hall to see your bedhead and smiling face? How did it used to feel to go to bed without going into your room and checking to make sure you are breathing? (Yes, I still do this and I don't see it stopping anytime soon). When I say "Mommy loves you" before you go to bed each night, that doesn't even begin to describe what my heart feels for you, son.

I feel the early days, your newborn days slipping away. The memories fade so quickly, but not as quickly as you are growing. It's hard to picture you back then when I know you now. For as long as I can remember you have had more energy than anyone I have ever seen. Even when you are still, you are moving. You are wiggling your feet or rolling your hands, you just want to move constantly. Just like in my belly. The doctor said I should feel at least 10 movements an hour, you were more like 10 movements a minute. Daddy says this is a sure sign you will be an athlete, you have too much built up energy not too.

Daddy and I were looking at some pictures of me when I was pregnant with you and he said, "How can you even say you enjoyed this? You look so uncomfortable." I didn't think for a second about my response and I told him "Because it was just me and Holt, he was all mine." Luckily for other people, I get to share you now. Your personality is bigger than you are and everyone that meets you says you are the funniest, sweetest, orneriest little thing. You have the sweetest smile, but this silly laugh to go with it that says "I may be cute, but I am up to something." Strangers tell you how friendly you are. And although you are mistaken for a girl more often than a boy, everyone agrees you are the most handsome little guy. The first thing anyone says when they meet you is, "Those blue eyes!" It's impossible to look at you and not smile. You make my heart smile.

You lay your head on my shoulder and sigh out of no where, to me that means you love me but can't tell me yet. You wrap your legs around me really tight when I pick you up or you don't want me to put you down, to me that means you trust me. You kiss my cheek with the wettest slobbery kisses, to me that means you think I'm pretty (and apparently don't need makeup since you lick it off). You yell or point and smile at me all at once, that means you need me. You can do all of these things now, but in the very beginning, you just looked at me and it meant all of that. You loved me, you trusted me, you needed me. When I was ready hold you after you were born, I said "Hi Holt, it's Mommy." But you already knew that. You were less than an hour old and you looked right at me with a look that said, "I know Mommy." That look changed my life. You changed my life.

You are my best little buddy and watching you grow has been my greatest reward in life so far. I can't wait until you walk alongside me holding my hand or we practice baseball in the backyard (Shhh, don't tell Daddy. He will think I'm ruining your skills). With the first year behind us, we have so much ahead. And all too soon, you will be running away from me to school, to a date, to college...it will all be too soon.

I know you will be something great in life. You don't do a single thing until you know you can do it well and give it 100%. You like to figure things out. You like recognition. You like people. You know how to make people laugh. You know how to love.
I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be