One Fear of Parenting

We all have fears as a parent. In the beginning you fear they will stop breathing when they sleep. They aren't eating enough. They aren't walking when they "should" be. They aren't talking when they "should" be. Fear something will happen to them. All of these are true fears, yet utterly out of our control. My heart has been carrying a much bigger fear lately most likely because of the news. If you read my "Can I just Say" posts, you'll know I despise the news. This fear, I believe is entirely in the control of the parents and that is why it is so real.

Bullying has made it's presence known, particularly, through media outlets loud and clear over the past few years. Celebrities are standing up against bullying. Children are killing themselves because of bullies at school. There is even a new documentary out about it, see here. Bullying is nothing new. I was bullied as a kid. Even though I had plenty of friends and may even consider myself "popular", I had a bully. I was teased that my ears stuck out, I was teased for being short, whatever it may be. This is nothing new. You know what else, my parents teased me too. In a funny way that toughened me up. They taught me to have a sense of humor and to love these things about myself. They told me that my bully was jealous of me, and she probably was. I beat her at everything. I don't know how I handled the bullying like I did, it hurt. Although one time in first grade, a 5th grader (not my bully for long) was picking on me on the school bus. I busted out a random factoid I didn't think she would know. "Oh yea, well I bet you don't know the capital of Rhode Island?" And I was right, she didn't know. But I did (Providence is the answer) and made her look like less of a bully the rest of the ride home.

I bet you were bullied too in some way. But here is my fear as a parent, not that my child will get bullied, but that my child will be the bully. The kids saying horrible things to other kids like, "You should just die, you're worthless." Who are these kids? As a mother, I now find myself asking, "Do their mommies not hug them enough? Do their mommies not love them enough?" How do we hug, love, kiss, or whatever we need to do to our children to make them not be the bully. I want my kid to be the one that stands up to the bully for the other guy. How do I raise that kid? Sure, I bet I could find a million books on Amazon about it, but I don't think I need to read about it. If God has given me this special privilege of being a parent, surely I can figure this out on my own. But can I? I can pray for Holt's character and that he is a good person, but he also has to learn this behavior. I do think Kyle and I are great examples of how to be a good person, don't get me wrong. I also think it's a parent's job to thicken their kid's skin a bit. Even though I was called a mouse and told to "go eat cheese", did I really think like I looked like a mouse? No. You know why, my dad told me I would be pretty with a brown paper bag over my head, so I believed him. Is that statement what got me through those types of comments, no, but I was at least confident in who I was.

Another story in the news is that about a young man who opened fire and killed his entire family. Once upon a time, that man was a baby in his mother's arms. He probably made her laugh at nothing because that is the type of joy children bring to their mother's. She probably chased him around the house and made him laugh too. She gave him life and he shot her. His own mother. Why did he turn out that way? Again, did she not hug him enough? Did she not love him enough? Why did he do that?

As much as we think just loving our kids will be enough, it's not. There is so much more to it than that and I don't even know what it is yet. The reason for this post is because I was brought to tears watching Ellen today. She always ends her show with "Be kind to one another." It's simple, and powerful. Maybe every parent should say that to their kids everyday before school as a reminder also. I'm convinced as long as there are kids, there will be bullying. It's not going to stop. However, lets raise happy, well rounded, Jesus Loving, God Fearing children. That should at least be a step in the right direction.