The Truth

I've been known for my honesty, especially on topics like marriage and motherhood. I don't like to sugar coat it. Most the time I am praised for it, although I am sure there are other times people can't believe I just spilled the beans and tell how it really is. At this point in our lives I think we all know that life isn't rainbows and butterflies. So here it is, this is how you picture yourself being a mom:

And when you are brave enough to admit that isn't realistic, this is how you really feel as a mom:

I had a conversation recently with some friends about how we aren't the types of moms we pictured ourselves being. Insert *round of applause* to all of us for admitting that. It's not easy. No one can tell you why it's not easy, it just isn't. But is it also magical and the most wonderful feeling in the world? Absolutely. From birth on up, every age has it's ups and downs. From "How exciting, my baby can walk!" to "Holy shit, I just watched my kid fall down the stairs!"  Yeah, that happened a couple weeks ago. We both ended up in tears. Today we both ended up in tears again. He wasn't getting his way and I reached a breaking point. I have an infant that does not sleep during the day. I am shocked shitless if he sleeps longer than 45 minutes at any given point during the day. Yesterday we managed to all take a nap, the first time this has happened in 10 weeks. I paid for it by being wide awake at 2:45 this am and stayed that way. I digress. I have an infant that does not nap, a 2 year that does not eat, and my patience is virtually non-existent. When Holt is tired, he's a mess, a disaster, a nightmare to deal with. He can't function, he can't seem to hear me correct him, and he melts down at absolutely nothing. Jett, characteristic of an infant, cries when he is tired. Holt purposely wakes Jett up when he sees him dozing off or sees him asleep anywhere. Come dinner time when I am supposed to be getting it together before Kyle gets home, I can't breathe from the stress of a 2 year old yelling at me to help cook (which any day now is going to end up in a burned hand or busted head from falling off the counter) and a screaming infant who just won't sleep! I hate dinner time. Kyle and I generally spend the entire time yelling at Holt to eat while he pushes anything and everything away saying "Holt don't like it." all the while trying to calm a crying, exhausted Jett. So that's the truth.

The truth is that you will yell more than you think you will ever yell at someone who can barely speak English. Someone that no matter how much you yell, still wants you to kiss him goodnight and scratch his back.

The truth is you will find yourself getting frustrated by a 14lb being that can do nothing but cry to express feelings. Someone that will make your day better with a single smile just because they see your face or giggle because you said something in a funny tone.

The truth is you will freak out because your kid is not eating or you think he ate too much sugar that day. Someone that deserves an M&M cookie because nothing can replace how his face lights up at the mere mention of helping mommy make cookies.

The truth is you will consider starting your own HH at 3pm...but you'll get past it and instead reward yourself with ice cream that night, but not all the time. Sometimes you do need the wine.

The truth is that the slow motion picture you have of yourself and your kid on a carousel smiling and laughing is a short lived 2 minute ride. But those 2 minutes are absolute bliss that often overshadow the meltdown in the candy store.

The truth is that you will make you kid cry. Whether it's by yelling at their older sibling and scaring the bejesus out of them or by just losing your cool and just yelling to yell. But when your kid cries, they still want you to kiss it and make it better...and you will...and you will end up feeling bad an apologizing.

The truth is you will take 20 pictures trying to get that special moment you picture and you will get mad when they don't cooperate. You tell yourself you didn't get any and will delete them all. You will have a hard time deleting any in fear you won't even get that little moment back again.

The truth is you will feel like a bad mom...more than you will feel like a good mom. Someone, anyone, will tell you the little person that is driving you up the wall is smart, and funny, and sweet all because of you.

It's hard. It's wonderful. It sucks. It's the best. It's exhausting. It's invigorating. It's sad. It's happy. It's motherhood.

Facebook is an enemy, one I cannot get away from because I still love it. It's full of pictures of flowers from amazing husbands who sent them "just because". Probably "just because" he was an asshole the night before. Or mom's that put some of their 1000+ pins on Pinterest to use and made that project you have been wanting to attempt, but you had to rush out of Hobby Lobby because of a screaming infant and forgot half the supplies. Hell no you aren't going back in that store again! Or kids that actually smile for a picture. A picture where someone behind the camera is saying "doodoo" to make that smile happen. Or mom's with a smile from ear to ear holding their kids, a mom that is secretly suffering from postpartum depression. Don't be fooled by what you see. I've been some of these things...life ain't always what it seems. But it's your life. So if you can't tell, I had a rough day. No matter how rough the day is, I always wake up a new person and a new mom who seems to forget what happened to day before. You have to. Everyday is different and everyday deserves to be cherished. These times don't last forever, and in 20 years, I'll give anything to go back to my hardest day just to have my kids be babies again.

2 Month Comparison

Jett

Holt

Jett is 2 months!

Where oh where has the past 2 months gone? I didn't enter that newborn zombie phase like I did with Holt, but for some reason the past 2 months are blurry! All I seem to remember is feeding and changing diapers and telling Holt "No!" about a million times a day. Jett has settled into this family quite nicely and he holds a special place in all of our hearts. I can't explain the love you feel for a second a child, how instantaneous it is and how you get to truly cherish every sweet smile and coo even more than the first one. Holt just loves Jett and likes to hug him and share his toys. When Jett starts to "talk", Holt says "What are you talkin' bout Jett?" So far he is very gentle with him, I have only had to tell him to be careful once or twice when he tries to pat his back too hard to burp him. Kyle just loves to cuddle with a newborn baby and could just hold him while he sleeps for hours and hours.

His 2 month stats are:
13lbs 9oz, 85%
24.5in 95%
Size 1 (barely) diapers, should be in 1-2s
3-6 month clothes, some 6 months

He is eating every 2.5-4 hours during the day depending on his nap schedule, which is still few and far between during the day. At night he goes to bed around 7:30 or 8 and I feed him once more before I go to bed. His friend Colic has decided to leave him alone, thank goodness. We are starting to get out some more, like going to the park or running a quick errand. I forget what a slave you are to this 3 hour time schedule. You basically have an hour and half or less to get something done. A typical day is like this

Sometime between 7- 9am-Morning feeding
An hour and half is his awake threshold almost to the minute so he settles into a cat nap, 20 min
Sometime between10-12-Another Feeding
Another Cat nap
1-3- Feeding
Possible a long nap after this, and by long I mean 45 min or less. Some days he will actually sleep for a couple hours in a row, but that's rare and it's typically when we are not at home. He doesn't like sleeping at home.
4-6 Feeding
Short nap in the swing while I get dinner together
Sometimes a feeding around 7, 7:30 Bed time
10-11- Last feeding
4-5am "Middle" of the night feeding

His schedule is actually all over the place and really hard to pinpoint times because they vary each day depending on when he wakes up to eat in the morning and how long his naps are. Since Colic went away, evenings are much better and he settles down to sleep by 8.

He loves:
Baths
Mommy
Watching Holt
Ceiling Fans and Lights

He dislikes:
The sun in his eyes
Waking up from a nap in public
Being hungry
Naps

We are sure enjoying our time with him. It just gets better and better. He's a growing chunk and I wouldn't have it any other way!

One Month Comparison

Here is Holt at one month and Jett at one month...I think they are going to look very different from eachother!

Jett is one month!

Ok, so he's almost 2 months. The life of a mom with two kids means late blog posts. I have this list of things I am dying to get to, this being one of them, and I CANNOT find the time. Between chasing Holt around the house as he takes off his diapers, wet, dry or poopy, full time nursing, and dealing with two Mama's boys...there aren't enough hours in the day. When there is some spare time...I rest. So here it is, my sweet baby boy is/was one month old on October 14th. His stats at the dr were:

11lbs 15oz 80%
23.5in 90%
Size 1 diapers
3 month clothes, some 3-6

His schedule is all over the place. By 4 weeks with Holt, I had settled into a routine. Jett on the other hand keeps me guessing. I'm going to try and avoid comparing the two, but it's so hard! I am trying my hardest to get him on a consistent 3 hour wake/eat/play/sleep cycle. He has other plans. Once this baby woke up from his newborn hangover, he has decided he does not want to spend his days sleeping. He has crazy long awake hours with a short 20min catnap in between hours on end of being awake. Maybe, if I am lucky, he settles into a "long" nap of an hour or more. The doctor's have me totally freaked out about getting out of the house before he gets his shots, a fear I did not have with Holt for some reason, so we stay at home...A LOT. I think it's because he grunts and groans and is already a little congested sounding, I don't want to push it.

I can't complain too much about the sleeping during the day because he sleeps great at night and he always has. He goes a good 4-5 hour stretch most nights, sometimes more and sometimes less. This amounts to just one middle of the night feeding a night, totally manageable. When he is awake, he is very happy. Until about 7pm. There is not much we can do for him as he fights his bed time for a couple of hours. He is fussy and wails at the top of his lungs. One thing is certain, Mommy has the magic touch. No one else can calm him like me, which makes my days extra long. He likes to be held tight and close and as anti-Soothie as I am, he just has to have it to suck on until he can relax. I make a point to take it out of his mouth before he actually crashes. When you are used to your Mommy duties ending by 8pm, it makes you super tired and sometimes frustrated to deal with a crying baby for a few more hours. I didn't even think this could be colic, but that's what the doctor said it was at his check up. He also said it's possible he will grow out of it by his 2 month checkup, which is just around the corner. Fingers crossed!

It's amazing how this new lil person has just come into this family and owned it like he's been here forever. I couldn't imagine life before Holt and now I can't imagine life without these two blessings. When I look at Jett I just see the sweetest cutest face ever! He's my chunky monkey with more rolls than I know what to do with. I'm kind of obsessed with this chunky lil guy and his crazy awesome hair.

Here are some of his loves:
Mommy
Bath time
Being held
His bouncer

Here are some of his not so loves:
Bed time
His brother's screaming
Naps
Being held in the "wrong" position
Being hot

Holt has settled into the big brother role very well and I am so proud of how he treats his baby brother which is with the utmost love and gentleness...for now. This sweet baby boy just has my heart! :)