3 Boys

I haven't posted a blog since Ford's birth. That's why this post topic will come as absolutely zero shock. My house is CRAZY. It's chaotic. It's stressful. It's loud, like so loud I can't even handle it y'all. It's messy, so messy. There are crumbs everywhere. This is where most people insert hashtag blessed, so thankful for the chaos. What a load of donkey dung. Hold on I have to go pour another glass of wine...okay I'm back.

This post might have little to no direction and I might just start spewing verbal diarrhea out, but here's the gist...I'm drowning in little boy chaos. Yes, I have 3 beautiful and healthy children. I am so completely thankful for that you have no idea. It's what I pray about every night alone and with them. That's just not what this is about.

THE NOISE

It's one of the first things I warn tell moms to be of little boys about, right after I say the cliché "little boys love their mommies so much".  They are so loud. Not like 25% of the day, like 95% of the day. Loud talking, loud playing, loud bathing, just so loud. Legos are a quiet activity right? NOPE, not when Doc Ock takes on Spider-Man in a wild car chase through the kitchen. Broken Legos everywhere, broken Legos to step on everywhere. I'll be 2 feet away and it's "MOMMY!!!! GET MY SNACK. MY TUMMY IS GROWLING! AND I'M THIRSTY!!!!" I'm right here dude, and can I get a please? My oldest literally follows me around all day long, TALKING. Just nonstop, noise and chatter, TALKING my ear off. He should write screenplays or become a novelist to get all those thoughts out of his tiny little head. Boys are shrilly. I thought girls were supposed to be shrilly. Have you heard a 3 year old boy being chased by his older brother when he doesn't want to be? My gosh, dogs in other counties could heard that. You know what else is noisy, me. When I can't handle one more high pitched squeal or roaring yell of a superhero fight, I'm the noisiest. The problem is they can't seem to hear me ask them nicely. "Sweetie, please stop yelling, it hurts my ears. Ok, boys that's enough, lets not be so loud." Then when I become some possessed demonic version of myself, I have their attention. 

THE MESS 

Crumbs. Toys. Paper. Tape. Trash. Cups. Blocks. Balls. Oh. My. Gosh. We have confined them to two places to eat now and it doesn't help. Who thinks crushing their Cheez-Its on the floor is fun? Boys. Who thinks spitting milk on the ground is fun? Boys. Who thinks blowing bubbles in their water is fun? Boys. Who thinks eating cereal on the couch promising not to spill and spills 2 seconds later is fun? Boys. Who thinks rubbing yogurt all over the kitchen table is fun? Boys. Who thinks dumping out a toy basket right after I clean the room is fun? Boys. Who thinks squeezing an entire tube of toothpaste on the sink is fun? Boys. Who thinks splashing in the toilet is fun? Boys. Who thinks I'll never have a clean house again? Me. 

THE LACK OF NICE THINGS

I would love to have a picturesque home from a magazine with tall candlesticks, nice furniture, lamps not made of metal, and other pretty accessories. Hell I would love a coffee table! We had to retire the coffee table when it became a constant launching pad onto the couch or floor. I wonder in how many languages I need to learn to say "Stop jumping on the couch!" before they will actually understand me? English isn't working so well. My couch pillows are used in a pillow fight or to jump from the couch to the floor...daily. The few candlesticks I have are in constant fear they will crash to the ground at any moment due to the amount of balls in my house...literally and figuratively. They actually tried to balance on a ball like a bunch of circus animals through my living room tonight. Now I know what you're thinking, discipline Mom discipline. I run a tight ship. I'm strict. I am far from letting them run this place. It's not working. I want curtains in my living room. I can't justify it when all I can see is 3 little monkeys hanging from them like Tarzan. Or tripping over them during a Nerf fight that sends one of them to the ER. I told Kyle I wanted new couches the other day. He says I should plan on replacing any piece of furniture we have every 3-4 years with boys in the house. Since he grew up with 2 brothers, I'm afraid he knows what he's talking about. Insert completely wide eyed face of sheer fear from me.

THE ERRANDS

I'm not going to try and say running errands with girls is a piece of cake either and quite honestly, I just don't know any different.  Does anyone else feel like they might have a heart attack after an errand run? I have one thing to grab at store that should take all of 10 minutes. 45 minutes later they're crying, I'm upset, and I feel as though security will be escorting us out at any moment. "You never get anything for us!" The brand new bathing suits and movie they picked out doesn't count I suppose when all they really wanted was the Kit-Kat at checkout. "I'm thirsty!" Well we are going home and we don't need the blue Gatorade that is sure to spill all over my car. "I have to go potty!" Really? You couldn't tell me that while we were inside the store? You can piss you pants for all I care, I'm not getting your brothers out of the car and trekking all the way back inside after we left kicking and screaming. Not one errand in recent memory has been easy. So maybe we should just do more fun things? You got it. Lets go bowling! "Ugh, I wanted to go to Build A Bear!" I cannot friggin win around here. One day last week, I was actually wiping a butt and holding a squirming toddler at the same time in public restroom. I don't know why I don't leave the house more...

So, in conclusion...I don't have one. There are sweet glimmers and happiness in everyday, don't misunderstand me. Overall, I'm surrounded by dudes that don't listen to me, destroy my home, deface my property, and do their best to push my buttons. If anyone has any suggestions on how to raise 3 boys without drinking excessively or going gray early, well keep it to yourself because I have probably already thought about it. While I get through the chaos of having 3 boys 5 and under in general,  I'm going to do my best to make batshit crazy look good.

Never ending Mess.

My lack of decor and missing coffee table.

The 11 Pounder

Well we had quite the "lil" celebrity join our family on February 12 at 12:19pm. Ford James Kummer made his presence well known when he arrived that day. From the beginning, knowing this was our last baby, I wanted to try and savor the moments of sweetness only a pregnant mommy can. From the positive pregnancy test that got me so excited, which then turned to drama if you remember my previous post, to finding out it was a boy, to seeing the other boys so excited, to weirding Kyle out with my large moving belly at night, to enjoying the food and sweets I wanted whenever, to getting his nursery ready, to feeling him grow, to not being able to bend over, to not being able to hold my sweet Jett, to all of the joys of pregnancy...I wanted to savor it. At the times I wasn't, I tried to remember this was it. Enjoy it! Which I why I was so incredibly sad that my last week of this human life growing inside me, I got sick. The good ole upper respiratory infection. I could not get out of bed. There went the days of enjoying every moment. No last cupcake date with Holt and Jett, no tucking them in at night, no more enjoying this pregnancy at all. I wanted him out! He assured me how much I wanted him out the night before my C section when he kept me up most the night moving around like a wild man. I thought for sure he was sending me into labor! No such luck. I'm still sad to think how awful I felt that last week and that it had to end like that. But then again, there is no greater joy than meeting that baby for the first time!

So the day of his birth, we had a morning as usual. Got the boys ready for school, gathered up their Valentines for their parties that day, headed out the door and dropped them off. I knew I would get emotional if I lingered around at drop off too long so I gave my hugs and kisses and held back my tears. I was hours away from welcoming our 3rd son and their brother into our lives. We got in the car and I was dreaming about ice cold water. Why do you get so parched just knowing you cannot have water? My mouth felt like a desert. We drove to the hospital and walked in like it was any other doctors appointment. I still felt so sick with a raspy voice to prove it, and I had this lingering fear they would send me home until I was well. I got into my gown and up into the bed in triage. Thank goodness...they weren't sending me home. My c section was scheduled for noon so I was happy to see they had me down for 11:30. The nurse came in and started the blood draws, IV, forms and all that fun stuff. Family started showing up, just as excited this time as the times before. 11:30 rolled around and we were running late, which is fine because I was prepared for noon anyways.

Right at noon, the family went to the waiting room, Kyle and I kissed goodbye while I held my gown together in the back, and I walked to the OR. At 12:01 I was already on the table getting my spinal. I was surrounded by strangers putting needs in my back, disrobing me, and poking at me to see if I was numb. I was hoping to feel Ford move around one last time so I could hang onto that memory forever, he abliged. Whoever electively chooses a C section...is crazy. It's as impersonal as you can get for such a huge moment in your life. My doctor came in and pointed out that he was moving around like crazy, which I could still feel at this time. Then I couldn't and she told me I was numb. They let Kyle in now knowing the spinal was in effect. I felt the cold fluids moving through my veins. Kyle walked behind the curtain and sat on a stool, he grabbed my hand and I asked him to say a prayer. Then I was crying. This was it. I felt the doctor struggling to get him out, which we all knew he was big for me. We were guessing 9lbs or so. She pulled him out and said "Oh my gosh, he's huge." And she lifted him above the curtain for me to see. It was hard to tell really how  big he was. I do know when she pulled him out, I took my first real breath for the first time in months I'm guessing. I didn't realize how much he was crushing me. I knew I was uncomfortable, but he was seriously crushing me. They took him to clean him off, he cried immediately and I cried knowing this was the last time I would hear my baby take his first breath and cry. Everyone was guessing his weight. I heard 10lbs 6oz, 10lbs 4oz and they laid him down which I could see on a tv monitor above my bed. The nurse said "Oh, 11lbs 40z!" I said, "How much?" Kyle said, "11lbs 4oz babe!" I said "What?!? How am I going to feed that baby!" We were in such shock and amazement at the size of that baby that just came out of my tiny petite frame. He was 21.5 inches, like Jett, but had almost 3lbs on him. They finished working on me and for the first time in 3 babies, Kyle was allowed to walk out of the OR holding our 3rd son in his arms and take him back to our triage room. One family member at a time was allowed to come in and see him. We did not get this luxury last time and had to wait almost 3 hours to introduce Jett to everyone. It could not have gone any better! I was still numb at this point and all was well. No one could believe his size. Most the nurses in the OR said he was the largest baby they had ever delivered.

The pediatrician came to check him out and all was well except for a slight heart murmur, which is totally normal for a baby taking their first breaths of air. It was just not something we had experienced before. They tested his sugars, common for large babies, and they were low at 33 of course. I fed him within an hour of being born and his sugars went up to 57, right where they wanted them. Then they dropped to 42 an hour later. They test this by pricking their foot and drawing blood, it's quite awful to witness time and again. After the next feeding, I was told I needed to supplement with formula until his sugars stayed level. I didn't fight them, knowing it was what was best for my baby at this time. Luckily, they were level and stayed that way after that.

Every shift change, the nurses would come in and say "Oh this is the 11 pounder! I heard about you." Then they would look at me completely confused as to how I was able to have an 11 pound baby. The next question was always "Did you have gestational diabetes?" Which I did not. I actually got tested twice on accident when they thought I was someone else in the lab. Somehow, lil ole me, had a whopper sized baby. My OBGYN called him full size and the others she delivered that day half size because they were literally half his size.  I've called to make his doctors appointments and even those nurses say "Oh this is the 11 pounder! I heard about him from the hospital nursery." I'm talking every time a new nurse saw him, "This is the 11 pounder...and his tiny Mama." The good thing about having an 11pounder, only 12 pounds to go to get to prebaby weight!

We love our 11pounder, he is our last puzzle piece and completes our family. The boys adore him, Kyle never puts him down, and I could stare at him forever. Welcome Home Ford James.

PS About the heart murmur. We have since seen a cardiologist and it is still there. It's nothing to be concerned about at the moment, if ever, it's called an innocent murmur. We have a follow up appointment in a few months to check and see if it is still there. It's likely to go away on its own, but could last until he's 10. Worst case it turns to a hole in his heart, but we are not letting our minds go there at all. Right now he's our healthy 11pounder.

Yes, Baby #3

"Was it planned?"

"Did you want 3 kids?"

"Was it an accident?"

 

Yes, it was planned. Yes, we have always wanted 3 kids. No, it was not an accident. This third baby is just as planned out and wanted as the first two. Now don't feel bad if you have asked me these questions, I find it humorous. There's a stigma on society and mothers/fathers that somehow 2 kids is "enough". As if we are crazy to do more than replace ourselves. Now believe me, I have plenty of days where 2 kids is "enough." Even in the hardest part of adjusting to 2 kids, a colicky baby, a lively rambunctious 2 year old, our hearts always desired a third baby. I remember rocking Jett gazillions of times just trying to get through the day, and in the back of mind I always thought, "Yes, I can do this again. I want to do this again." It's okay to want more than 2 children! Just like it's okay to want one child. I'm constantly overwhelmed by the mess, busyness, and noise going on in my home. I know it's not going to get better and I'm okay with that. It's not a good enough reason for me to ignore my heart. I know I have years of carpooling, mounds of homework, endless sports tournaments, thousands in grocery bills, trips to the ER, and I'll have to wait to make my house as nice as I picture, but again...that is not a good enough reason to ignore my heart. Wouldn't I have all of that with one child? That didn't stop me from wanting two children. I'm not saying people should have more than one or two children, I'm saying you should do what is right for your family. Follow your heart. It's scary, so scary to embark on this journey of raising a human being more than once. Don't let your mind win, do what it is in your hearts. We have always pictured our life with 3 kids and God has given us the desires of out hearts.

Now the other question since I have two of the same sex already:

 "Are you hoping for a girl?"

"Did you try for a girl?"

I'm hoping and praying for healthy is what I'm hoping for. We tried to get pregnant, in general, not with a girl. We actually tried for months to conceive this child. Longer than we ever had to before. I was just thrilled to see the positive pregnancy test finally! And then hours, it began. What I believed and I was told most likely was a miscarriage. After months of praying about this child and trying for this child, before I could even adjust to the idea of 3 kids actually happening, it was already being taken from me. I went in for my blood work the next morning as instructed and we left to go to South Padre. You know what's not fun is trying to have a good time with your kids at the beach for the first time while thinking you're having a miscarriage. I had to drive to Brownsville for follow up blood work 2 days later since I could not possibly be back in Katy to see my doctor. Much to my surprise, the nurse called later that day with the results that my levels went from 35 to 100 in 48 hours, so I was indeed pregnant and looked as though I would stay that way! I would stay that way under one condition, I took a progesterone supplement through the first trimester because all the bleeding was most likely from my low progesterone levels. I feel fortunate that we caught this early because the earlier the better when it comes to low progesterone. Many women suffer miscarriage after miscarriage only to find out it was due to low progesterone. As if pregnancy is not worrisome enough! We saw and heard the baby's heartbeat at 6 weeks and 8 weeks, so that was a relief. Then there was more spotting. There was no reason for this they could explain other than possibly the placenta getting into place. With multiple pregnancies, particularly after c-sections, spotting/bleeding can happen. Would it be nice to change things up with a girl, absolutely. Would it be nice to grow my superhero squad and have half a sports team, absolutely. All children are blessings and I am so happy God has trusted me with another one of His. So next time you see a mom with small children and another one in her belly, don't think "Bless her heart, she must not have wanted that one." or "What is she thinking?" and certainly don't tell her "You've got your hands full!". (that's a whole other post!) We know all this, we know what you're thinking, we have thought it too! But we decided to go for it anyways because there is no greater reward in life than the love of a child. No greater blessing than a child from above. So we anxiously await February 2015 to welcome this final addition to our family!

Smart Phones, Dumb People

If you have taken the time to watch the Look Up video that is circulating around Facebook, I can only hope that it struck a chord with you. I didn't have to see this video for it to strike a chord with me because I already knew everything it was saying. Technology has completely changed since I graduated college, and that was just in 2005. I say technology, but maybe I mean social media. Technology has just made it easier to access social media.

I gave up Facebook for Lent this year. Usually I give something up for Lent that I can already do without as to make this adjustment easier on myself, selfish really. This year I decided it had to be Facebook. It was overtaking my life and I found myself checking it so often that if I added up the minutes in a day, it was probably over an hour of daily Facebook time. It was first thing in the morning, as my children greeted me in bed, it was last thing at night, when I should have been focused on conversation and laughter with my husband, it was while I was waiting...anywhere on anything. I thought the adjustment would be really tough. How would I pass the time after dinner while I waited for my kids to finish bathing, how would I pass the time...at all? I honestly, did not miss Facebook for one second. Now don't get me wrong, I was still on Facebook at some times because I have to be for my job. I do social media for companies for cryin' out loud! (Which I do believe it is very important for companies to have an online presence)  I also cleaned out the garage and posted items for sale, but that was it. I didn't post pictures, I didn't read my news feed, I didn't like, I didn't comment, I didn't check to see if someone had liked or commented on my stuff. It was so...refreshing! Yes I know that this is totally ironic that I'm posting this on Facebook, but as with anything I write about, I can only hope to help one person make a change for the better in their life.

Social Media has changed my way of thinking. My kid says something funny, and the first place I log it is on Facebook, not my memory or not written down so I can always remember it. I catch my dog in a funny position, MUST SHARE with the world. My husband does something sweet, EVERYONE MUST KNOW. Yes I know, shame on me for that. I found that I wasn't savoring these moments for myself, I was savoring it for other people who quite honestly I would walk right by if I saw them in a store as to avoid awkward communication. So I found myself wondering, WHO CARES?  I love seeing that my family and loved ones that don't live around me are liking and commenting on my posts. That in itself makes Facebook worth keeping for me. I do love to see engagement announcements and baby announcements more than anything. I wondered if by giving up Facebook, Would I be happier? Would I be more positive? Would I stop trying to compete with all the "Supermoms" out there? And the answer was YES! I love that people from around the world can ban together and pray for the sick or injured. Yet, when I'm reading tragic story after tragic story on a daily basis, I worried about my kids more than I already did! Will they be hit by a falling tree branch, will they be struck with the next crazy disease no one has ever heard of, will I be the mom that dies too soon, am I going to panic at night thinking a poisonous spider will be crawling in their bed? I'm a mother, I already worry about all of this, but do I need to have a constant reminder that we could be next? My anxiety level was out of control. Do I need to read everyone's political rants? Good for you for having an opinion that frankly I am just too tired to even try and understand. I'm not giving it up entirely, you'll still see posts from me, but I am not getting sucked back into this time waster again. I will use my time more wisely. I will be outside with my kids more, I will be cleaning my house better, I will be preparing better meals for my family, I will be a better person because of it.

Facebook wasn't about me anymore, it was about everyone else. It makes running into that friend from high school you haven't seen in 10 years, totally anti-climactic. As was my 10 year high school reunion. Every night I told myself I wouldn't check it before turning the light off and every night, I lied to myself. Every morning I told myself I would start with Jesus Calling and every morning I forgot. How sad is that? Then one day when I remembered to read Jesus Calling, it was about idolatry. Facebook was my Idol. Something had to change and I was the only one that could do it. I turned off all notifications, I moved my app to the last page of my phone, and that was it. I was FREE! So free. My son didn't have to tell me "Mommy, put your phone down!" How awful was I that I even had to let it get to that point in the first place? I felt like total scum.

So that brings me to my next point, take this crap away from your kids NOW. I totally get the iPad is a babysitter thing and we are all guilty of it. I would be a hypocrite if I said my kids never played with one, but I will say that it is completely last resort for entertainment. And even then, it's almost always educational and I'm right there with them going over it. Nothing irks me more than when I see a family out to dinner and the kids are playing on their devices. Teach your kids manners, like we had to learn, teach your kids to communicate, teach them to behave in a social situation, teach them that it's wrong to be on your device at the dinner table by putting your own phone down. My kids are at the prime age for entertainment by this stuff when we are out to dinner, but do you know what I bring for them? A backpack full of stamps, stickers, coloring books, and crayons. And guess what, the old school way works just fine! Teenagers these days, heck 20 somethings, have girlfriends or boyfriends they haven't physically spoken to in days on the phone, but only through texting, and they call that a relationship? That is what they think a relationship is. I am so glad this didn't exist when I was a teen or in college. Texting was just getting started in college. So, lets band together as parents, as the human race and remove ourselves from this new way of "communicating" and "socializing". If you think about it, it's really the opposite. You might think it's going to be hard, but I am quite certain, it won't be near as hard as you think.

Jett is 18 months

I am just really having a hard time believing he is already 18 months. I skipped his 15 month post, because frankly there just wasn't a whole lot of new going on. Or maybe there was and I just didn't document every new word, action, hand sign, or eye blink in my phone like I did with Holt. Second child problems. He did start walking around 15 months, a few weeks before Christmas, and that was about it for excitement. So back to 18th months. This kid is something else. It's going to be really hard for me not to compare the two at this age in this post, but I will try. They are totally different. I thought Holt was a Mama's boy...I was wrong. This little man will not leave my side. He's constantly at my feet, reaching up to be held, shyly lays his head on my shoulder when we are around new people, and always saying "Mama! Mama!" He is far from independent like Holt was. I guess I really took that for granted. Holt has always been good at playing alone and entertaining himself. Jett can do it for about 5 minutes before he's crying at my legs wanting to be held. Being held is by far his favorite past time. He has quite the temper too, but also a sensitive little heart. If he gets frustrated with a toy or blocks, that thing will end up across the room in seconds. If he wants me to help him with something and I do, he will also most likely throw it across the room, which always results in more tears. For instance, he's having trouble getting his fruit snacks out of the bag, I help him but obviously not fast enough for his liking....boom...fruit snacks on the ground. Now they are trash and now he is crying even more. I'm not sure how you can explain this to an 18 month old so I just laugh it off. If I tell him No No, his bottom lip sticks out before the words finish leaving my mouth. He just really likes things to go his way, nothing out of the norm for a kiddo!

Jett also has a hilarious personality. His smile and his laugh are infectious. I don't know where his old man smoker's laugh comes from, but I am obsessed with it. It's straight from his gut and it's one of the best sounds in the world. His gap teeth make it all the more hilarious. The way his whole face squenches (autocorrect says I made this word up) up in delight can turn a bad day into a good day in an instant. He loves loves loves peekaboo and hiding in our closet, specifically in Daddy's shirts. He thinks he's so sneaky. He runs off with Holt's toys and his snacks and hides there as if it's a brand new secret and no one will ever find him. Jett is monkey see monkey do with his brother. He mimics actions, sounds, words....anything to be more like Holt. Kids are so easily influenced by their surroundings it's scary! You would have never seen Holt picking up action figures making "Hi-ya" and fighting noises at this age, but Jett sure acts like he knows what he's doing! His other favorite, Bentley. He loves his Buh-bee. He thinks all dogs are buh-bees. Bentley is 11 years old now so I get a little nervous his inner grumpy old man will come out when Jett climbs on top of him saying "Giddy up!", but much to my delight, he just lays there letting Jett take him for a joy ride. Jett loves to come in from being gone and let Bentley out of his house, he also loves to tell him to "Goooo!" when it's time to leave and he needs to go into his house. He loves going to check the mail in his buggy and scaring the bejeesus out of us playing on the playground or playset.

His speech is not quite where Holt was at this age, but the beauty of having two kids, you don't worry about milestones and things like this. It will happen. Now that I know what a yapping 3 year old is like, Jett can stay 18 months forever in the speech department. Not really because it is fun to see them learn how to talk and say funny things. He's learning new words everyday, but they aren't exactly clear. They are his own language that only someone who is around him 24/7 would understand. Book and ball sound almost the same. Cow sounds and dog sounds are very similar apparently. One day he knows all his animals, the next day he looks at me like I have 4 heads when I ask him what an elephant says. Once Holt learned something, he learned it. Jett is learning who everyone is aside from Mommy and Daddy. He loves his brother "Oat". Haha! As soon as we pull into the preschool parking lot he says "Oat? Oat?" Sometimes "Up, Oat?" I'm guessing because he always hears me say, "We are going to pick up Holt!" So he probably says around 15-20 words that are real or close to what they should be and a few short sentences "Go Bye Bye", "All Done", all the basics really!

His stats at 18months:
23 lbs 14 oz (44%)
32.5 in (50%)
18.7 in (52%)
Size 5 diapers
18-24 month clothes
Size 5 shoe
10 teeth (bottom 2, top 4, and all molars. Kind of a weird order to get your teeth...)

So contrary to looks, he's not as big and hefty as people think he is. They think he's a little chunk, but he's not. He's solid. He and Holt could not be more different in body type. Kyle says he will be a linebacker. He just plows into things, no problem.

He has had his fair share of ear infections, so we have another appt in a few weeks to check the fluid in his ears. We could be heading towards tubes, but I also think he could be suffering from allergies, which could all be related in my opinion. He is cranky, so cranky. He is clingy, so clingy. Kyle jokes that he still has colic, but seriously...is it possible? I think I got more done with a newborn sometimes. He's always been more high maintenance, but I just can't remember Holt ever clinging to me like this ALL THE TIME. I think it's because he is miserable most the time. Hopefully we will get some answers soon and he can go on being happy!

I can't describe the love I feel for this little guy. Cranky clinginess and all, he is my little ray of sunshine, always has been, always will be!

What did you do today?

I think most husbands, at least the smart ones, know better than to ask a mom this at the end of the day. But how many times do you put yourself in bed at night completely worn out, and ask yourself the same thing? What did you do today? If you're like me, you go to bed with the house not quite the way you wanted it, you didn't prepare the most delicious meal you've ever made, you wore a ponytail and yoga pants AGAIN (gasp), you put food in wrappers into lunchboxes (gasp, again), you wanted a bath but the mere thought of putting off bed for any longer than a 5 minute shower is exhausting, you wanted to read that book, that magazine, that blog...but you didn't. I have left off the everyday tasks like dishes, unloading the dishwasher, sweeping the floor, counter wiping, milk pouring, snack preparing, apple peeling, etc.  So, what did you do today?

Here's what I didn't do:

My "Formal" Dining Room is a parking lot

I love my second island, but that thing is never CLEAN

And for what I did do:

Taught the baby off and on with the light switch in the closet

Pointed out every animal and sound they make on tv, repeat all day

Removed the baby from big brother's 20 character Superhero set up at least 50 times (we know what happens when the baby knocks over anything big brother has set up, disaster and tears)

Searched for Thor's 2" hammer, Batman pez dispenser (the other 10 Superhero pez dispensers are no good, it MUST be Batman)

Changed Buzz Lightyear's batteries after searching for those dang tiny screwdrivers

Attitude check the 3 year old for yelling at me for not finding said missing items fast enough

Look for socks and shoes, not those shoes Mommy, the OTHER shoes

Feverishly prepare snacks and drinks for the car and errands we are about to run

Play DJ in the car

Play peekaboo, How big is..., and hide and seek 

Put a puzzle together with my 3 year old when the baby napped so I could make him feel special

Prepare 3 meals a day that get thrown to the dog or in the trash mostly

Teach body parts during diaper changes, add animal sounds if it's a really wiggly diaper change

Search for 3" tall Buzz Lightyear, can't find, deal with meltdown

Played Wonder Woman gets saved by whichever Superhero my son is that day

Felt inadequate as a mom that I wasn't at the park or out exploring nature and bugs

Search for the red lego

Read every book that is brought to me

Fulfill every "Hold me" request

Tried not to say "Hold on I'm busy" or "Not right now"

Wiped every tear

Kissed every ouchie

Combed hair out of tired eyes

Cuddled on the couch

Watched a magical bond before siblings form

Tried to burn the exact sound of their laughter into my memory forever

Got teary knowing I won't be able to remember that sound forever

This wasn't a day that I went to the gym, or take anyone to school, or to a doctor's appt, or to an extracurricular activity. This was just a day at home with a few errands, a normal day. And in between just about everything on that list you could add "Feel inadequate as a mom for not doing...something else with my time". But what did I do today? Exactly what I was supposed to do. Today I was the best Mom I could be.

 

Disneyworld

Oh wow, I can't believe this trip has come and gone. It was somewhat last minute for a Disneyworld trip. Kyle came home one day in Mid-November and said he had a Christmas present for me, but the boys might like it more. So immediately I thought, wow this is a great present. I don't even get my own presents anymore, awesome. He really wanted to plan it without me and surprise us all around Christmas, but being the smart man he is, he knew that wasn't a possibility without totally stressing me out. I'm not much of a planner as it is, I kinda prefer to go with the flow and not have every second of my trip planned out, but in this case I needed to know. So we sat down and started looking at where to begin. I got really overwhelmed and kinda wished he had just surprised me after all. We took a couple days break and then I was ready to look at it again. We picked the days we wanted to go and from there started planning it all out. We figured the week that everyone went back to school after Christmas break would be an ideal time...and...we were right. We are fully aware Jett will not remember any of this trip and Holt will be lucky if he remembers anything as well. However, we have pictures to prove it was the time of our lives! One perk of Kyle and all his traveling, he gets a lot of points for additional travel. This trip was one of those perks. We did have to sit through a 2 hours Hilton rewards meeting in which they would comp our entire trip, airfare and hotel. In addition to that, we had to pay $150. So we made it through the meeting without getting suckered and voila, we got a trip to Disneyworld for $150 plus park tickets. We figured with the boys being so young, and this trip being so cheap, why not go ahead and go and learn the ropes. That way our next trip will be easy peasy. Holt really is at a magical age to discover Disneyworld. He had a wonderful time. To see the joy in his eyes day after day was just truly a dream for Kyle and I. He was so excited to meet his favorite characters and to see him laugh on rides was just so magical.

We left the house at 5am on Thursday for the airport. The boys were a dream come true on the plane, I think they were still very sleepy. We went to Epcot the first day. We got as far as buying ears (you bet I got me some, it was my first trip to Disneyworld too!) and riding the Nemo ride, which we walked onto with no wait, before the torrential downpour started. We were not going to let that stop us from having fun, so $40 later in Disneyworld ponchos and we were ready to go! We did grab a bite to eat while it was raining and we spent some time at an inside play area before braving the rain. Luckily the sun came out and we were ready to see the rest of Epcot. I would have liked to spend more time here but with it already being a short day and the rain, we were limited. There really is not a whole lot to do there for kids, so it worked out for them. Jett was ready to sleep so I walked him around while Kyle took Holt to see Donald in Mexico.

 Holt decided he had to see Anna and Elsa from Frozen. We told him there was a long line and they were taking a break, but Jett was still sleeping so Kyle said he didn't mind waiting while I took Holt to look around some more. So for two hours Kyle waited. Holt went to meet Snow White and get a pretzel from Germany. We returned to the line and luckily only had to wait another 20 minutes or so. Queen Elsa invited me, a Queen as she called me, to stand by her. Holt has been singing the Frozen songs since we've seen the movie twice and it was his entertainment on the airplane. I know he's a boy, but if he wants to meet some pretty princesses then by golly he can meet some pretty princesses! They're all celebrities to him.

After this, it was time for dinner and almost time for the Illuminations show. Holt was mesmerized by the fireworks but Jett was not. He wanted OUT of there. And he was exhausted. Somehow Holt managed to stay awake all day, even with a 4:45AM wake up time. I don't know how he did it!

The next morning after our Hilton meeting was over at 10, we headed to Hollywood Studios. This was a day of characters. Unfortuntely, the Toy Story Mania ride was out of service which was a big time bummer for us. Holt had no idea, but we were sad. We had a character lunch at Hollywood and Vine with some Disney Jr. characters including Jake, Special Agent Oso, Handy Manny and June from Little Einsteins. Again, to see the excitement in his eyes was pure joy. We went to the Disney Jr Live show after lunch and headed over to meet Buzz and Woody. Daddy waited in line with Holt while I sat on a bench while Jett slept for a bit. This poor kid was running on E. A 45 minute nap was better than nothing, but I'm sure he would have slept for hours had we been back at the hotel. No time for naps, gotta see Disneyworld! We were headed over to the Star Wars area when we stumbled upon a street lined with characters. Belle walked over and took Holt out of his stroller and personally walked him along the street to meet all the characters he wanted to meet. There were so many characters! Chip and Dale were also very playful and they played with his new Zurg toy. Daddy spoiled Holt the entire trip and said he would do it all over again. He pretty much got anything his little heart desired. We walked to the Star Wars store where Daddy let Holt build his own light saber. I took Jett to watch the Jedi training academy, where kids 4 and up learn to fight Darth Vader in person. He comes out with his own light saber and everything! From here we recharged by sitting and having some snacks and an adult beverage (or 2) while watching the Jedi training again, this time Holt was in tears and terrified of Darth Vader. Then we headed to Pizza Planet for dinner.

An arcade is a great place for two little boys to walk around and "play" games. I don't know how much money Kyle spent trying to win one of those aliens for Holt, but he sure tried. We started to make our way to the Fantasmic show at 7 only to discover that it had been cancelled for technical difficulties. How in the world were we going to keep these boys happy for another hour and a half before the next show, oh take them to another gift shop of course. Also let them stuff their faces with ice cream sandwiches. Before we knew it, it was time for the show. I enjoyed it, but it was mostly about the villains and my sensitive Holt is not a fan of the bad guys. He mostly watched with his eyes peering through his fingers.

It was now day 3 and we were ready for Magic Kingdom and all the magic it had in store for us. This park could easily be a 2 day park! Luckily since it was the slow time of year, the longest wait we had was maybe 10 minutes. Also thanks to FastPass we were able to wait in line without waiting, allowing us to ride everything we wanted to that day. Holt's favorite by far was the Buzz Lightyear ride where you can defeat Zurg. I think Jett's favorite was It's a Small World because there was just so much to see. Holt got a little upset on The Little Mermaid ride because, well, Ursula is just really 'cary to him. Kyle and I actually took turns and rode on Space Mountain. It was our trip too...and yes, I still had my ears on. We walked all over Magic Kingdom seeing shows and riding rides. We did it all that day. Buzz Lightyear, Tea Cups, Dumbo, Magic Carpet Ride, It's a Small World, Peter Pan, you name it if Holt and Jett could ride, we did it! Right after Peter Pan, we decided to head over to the circle in front of the castle for the parade. And here came the rain again. We all got in our ponchos and found a great spot. Holt finally gave in and slept for the first time, aside from night time, in 3 days. After waiting for the parade for about 20 minutes...it was cancelled. We decided to call it a day because there was no way we could wait for the fireworks to start over an hour a later, if they started at all. This day we had to ride the monorail back to parking, which I was dreading. We saw the line for the monorail and could not figure out how to get there. We were so frustrated because it was pouring. Even the ponchos weren't helping. Somehow we saw the monorail in front of us and walked right up to get in line. This was too good to be true. Why were there thousands of people in line for the one on the other side and we managed to walk right up to the door of this one? It was a true blessing. As our monorail was about to pull away and take us back to the parking lot, the other one with the thousands of people in line, shut down for maintenance. How could this be? We got truly lucky. After getting absolutely soaked running back to the car, we had survived our 3 days at Disneyworld. We made it back to the hotel and were even able to relax after the boys went to bed. It was truly a special trip. As much "work" as it was with the boys being so young, I would do it all over again just to see the joy and excitement on their faces. I wouldn't change a thing! We live a blessed life and I am so grateful for it.

The plane ride on the way back, was not so nice as the one going. Jett was that kid who screamed the entire time. Kyle and I were at a complete loss. I was 99% sure he was going to fall asleep immediately and sleep the entire time, I was so wrong. He was beyond tired, he couldn't even calm down. Holt also stayed awake the entire plane ride home some how. We were so tired when we got home, but again, it was the trip of a lifetime for us and we would leave again tomorrow...ok not really, but sometime in the near future and do it all again!

8 Things You Don't Know About Me

This has been floating around Facebook and I have been putting it off after being assigned this number. I honestly wasn't going to do anything about it. Then I found myself thinking of things I could write. So I decided why not share some of the things about myself that make me ME?

1) My sister and I shared a bed pretty much until the day I left for college. We had our own rooms, but she crept into my room every night and we ALWAYS said, "Goodnight, love you, see you tomorrow."

2) In my car, the air has to be on 60, 65, or 70. After 70 it can be intervals of 2. 72, 74, 76, 78, 80, etc. I have no clue why, but odd numbers, besides 5 really bother me...mostly just in the car.

3) In early November 2009, I prayed that God would come into my life and have a stronger presence. 2 weeks later, a positive pregnancy test proved that he did that very week I started praying. I was not "regular" as they say and had absolutely no idea I could even conceive at that time.

4) I hate my body and I always have, even before kids. Except my butt, I have always loved my butt. AKA my Shea-lo.

5) I consider my C Section scar a badge of courage, a tiger stripe, and I secretly love it for what it resembles. Who needs a tattoo when you have a full on, still tender, crooked daily reminder of how my children got here? Side note: I  hate the roll of fat it caused above it. Moving on...

6) I have always pictured myself as the mom of 3 boys...for as long as I can remember. So far so good.

7) I was not one of those little girls that dreamed of my wedding day. I did not enjoy planning a wedding and I had pretty much zero interest in doing anything "outside the box". All I wanted was my husband and to start our lives together. Kyle made just as many decisions as me and planned the same amount (if not more than me) for our wedding. He chose the place, the Honeymoon, pretty much did our whole registry, and then some. I was just happy to be marrying the man I had always dreamed of...and he still is.

8) I left a job in 2011 where I was making close to 6 figures (in a down economy) to become a stay at home mom. I was also the breadwinner. I had no business doing this. Kyle was nothing but supportive and assured me "God will provide." He got promoted and transferred to Houston 3 months later.

Aside from the weird quirky things I posted above, what I found myself wanting to share the most were the moments where I saw God having a hand in my life. Ever since that positive pregnancy test, which was Holt, I feel like God and I have a deal. I asked for Him to come into my life, He did, and now I try to spend my days getting better at being closer to Him. I'm still new on my "walk" and so green about it. What would you share about yourself?

Food Therapy Week 2

I thought I would go ahead and update weekly, since I'm sending an email to my family each week, I can easily post here. For those of you that are interested anyways. I did not get a chance to update last week because it was so crazy with Halloween going on right after therapy. He did really well, but given the menu I was not surprised. It was Sun Butter (sunflower seed butter, which is an alternative to peanut butter should someone in class have a nut allergy), bread, jelly, celery, raisins, and caramel apples. He tried a bite of celery and spit it out. He is certainly more willing to try things at therapy versus at home, but he has improved at least trying them. The All Done Cup does help encourage him to at least try food he would have normally pushed away, which he is doing. He is quick to tell you if he will put it to his mouth or actually take a bite. I'll take anything at this point. He is fully aware if he likes something he can put it in his tummy, which he decided to do with some refried beans last night.

They told us that we should not use dessert or sweets as a reward anymore. It's the first thing that comes out of my mouth when I'm trying to get him to eat something. Basically it should be part of the meal and not the end reward. Sweets suppress the appetite. However, if meal time is really not going well, go ahead and give into the sweet, but return to the other foods also. Seems backwards, but this is all new to all of us! You can reward with other things that are not food, like stickers or staying up a little later.

Toddler Meals: 2-3 snacks and 3 meals everyday. (2.5-3 hour intervals) Offer 3 different tastes and textures at each. Lets be real, snacks typically consist of 1 thing, not 3. Ain't nobody got time for that!

Serving size: 1 tablespoon per year of age of each nutritional group. (fruits, veggies, protein, grains) This is probably how he has been able to maintain a "healthy" weight. What he doesn't eat in one category, he makes up for in another. Also, only 3 foods should be offered at a meal, at most 5. Obviously this is a lot of work and I have not been very good at this rule, but it is my goal going forward to take a little more time preparing more fresh meals with seasonings he might actually enjoy. Frankly, I wouldn't want to eat frozen peas and carrots either. Really toddlers do not require that much food, for instance 1 slice of bread is more than a serving size. Also, 4 crackers is considered a serving. We all know Holt can eat him some crackers! Here are some more that might surprise you: 1/2 cup of rice and cereal, 1/2 cup beans, and 3/4 egg.

This next month they are trying something new and offering the same food every week. That would be Thanksgiving food! Maybe by the time Thanksgiving rolls around, he will actually eat his first Thanksgiving meal! Fingers crossed.

Holt's Feeding Disorder

I finally have some answers, although very vague ones in what is going on with Holt's feeding issues. Many of you that know me and my family are aware of what a major issue this is for us. I count my blessings that this is the only "issue" we really have with him. Things were really put in perspective for me when I took him for his evaluation with the occupational therapist last week. A mother with her son in the waiting room commented on how articulate Holt was and how well he spoke for a 3 year old. She was there with her nonverbal autistic 8 year old. She has 4 sons and her husband is gone for 2-3 weeks at a time every month. When I told her we were there for a feeding issue, she told me I should just be very thankful that he is healthy. She was very nice about it, and I completely agree. However, for us this is a major issue and I truly need some help in this department with him. He is anemic due to lack of iron in his diet. My fear if this is not resolved is him passing out at the T-ball tee or soccer field as he grows up. It's not ok that you do not put healthy fuel in your body on a daily basis.

I really had to press the issue with my pediatrician. I've been telling him since he was 15 months old that I thought there was a problem. I did just chalk it up to being picky at the time, but then it got worse not better. Which is a major sign of a feeding disorder. He goes through what we call a jag, meaning he does not return to foods that he used to like. A picky eater will be tired of mac n cheese for example, but go back to it after a break. Holt has never returned to foods he stopped eating, so his list of foods has just decreased and decreased over time. He kept saying it was normal and to give him pediasure to fill in the calories. Finally at his 3 year check up I would not accept this anymore and said I needed to resolve this issue. That's when he got tested for anemia. He handled that finger prick like a champ until he couldn't take it anymore. I told him he could cry and he finally did after about a minute of her squeezing his poor little finger trying to get the blood out. From there we met with a dietician which was pointless. She said I needed the Feeding Disorder Clinic, which I already knew. Most pediatricians will say it's normal for kids to be picky and they will eat when they are hungry. This isn't acceptable to me or an OT because yes they will eat, but what will they eat? Fruit snacks? Goldfish? There is nothing good for the body in those items.

There are a variety of reasons for why he could have this feeding disorder and we may never really know the true cause of it, especially if it can't be medically diagnosed, such as reflux. This is a long process, up to 6 months, possibly more. For him it boils down to a true fear of food. It's possible something happened to him when he was little, such as choking, and we may not have even been aware of it. Something traumatic like that has completely turned him against food. He is fine with crackers and yogurt and some other weird things like edamame and pickles. They asked me in therapy what I can rely on him always eating and it's crackers and yogurt. They said he is a classic feeding disorder case. Per their directions I brought some preferred foods (pretzels, strawberries, cheese) and non preferred foods (hot dog, chicken nugget, rice and cheese). He verbally refused all the non preferred foods and barely touched the preferred. It was an easy "diagnosis" for them. They recommended him for feeding group therapy once a week.

They start with about 20 minutes in a sensory gym to "de-sensitize" and get all the "boy wiggles" out so they can better focus in the group setting. I am sitting on the other side of a one way mirror with a speech therapist learning about what needs to be done at home. We can hear them and see them, but they cannot hear and see us. This week they made Mad Scientist Wraps with tortilla, ham lunch meat, cheese, lettuce, carrots, blueberries, and pickles. Every week they will work with various foods and textures. They start by touching the food, smelling it, licking it, kissing it, biting it and spitting it out. They rarely will chew or swallow the food, it's the last step of a 20 step process. They are just getting familiar with it. He totally refused the ham at first, but did kiss it and put it in his "All Done Cup".

That brings me to the first idea we will be implementing at home, the "All Done Cup". At each meal I will give him a cup (probably one of his superhero plastic cups from HEB) and place it next to his plate. He cannot flat out refuse his food anymore. He will have to use one of his senses before putting it in the All Done Cup. This eliminates the stress for everyone because I no longer have to force him to try something or swallow it. Once I tell him what he needs to do with it and he does it, in the All Done Cup it goes and he does not have to revisit it again. She told me to stop forcing him to do anything now that he is in therapy, it's not worth the struggle and stress. Also, meal times will be 20 minutes, 30 minutes tops. No more sitting there with him for an hour because after 30 minutes nothing is going to change anyways she said. We basically need to reestablish trust in him again at meal times.

We are on the right track! I cannot express how relieved I am to know I am not alone in this matter and that I truly am not crazy. They asked me if I had any questions and I said, "So I'm not crazy? He really does have a problem?" They exclaimed, "Ohhhh yes! There is a big problem." So I encourage you Mommas to stick to your instincts and not just accept what your pedi says if you do not believe it's right. You know your kids better than anyone! If you think your child might have some issues like this, ask your doctor. They will have to write a referral if there is a feeding therapy clinic available in your area. I almost cried when we left therapy yesterday and Holt was just so excited with himself that he tried a bite of a carrot! Whatever your "issue" is with your kids, seek help so you don't have to live a stressful life and you can enjoy motherhood to its fullest!

My Mommy AHA Moment

It's me again, the Rainbow and Butterfly squasher, here to put real life in perspective and make others feel normal. Or maybe I'm the abnormal one and should look into that further (anyone know a shrink?). Regardless, I don't think most of us are spending our "spare" time as moms creating sensory stations of oatmeal and shaving cream for our infants and putting up tape in a doorway for our toddler boys to throw stuff at like it's a spiderweb. Kinda goes against the whole "Don't throw things in the house!" doesn't it? And if you are, that's fantastic, good for you, applause applause. I wonder where in your life do you feel you fall short, if I am feeling I fall short where you are excelling? Because lets be real, no one truly is that perfect

I've had a rough time lately, a really rough time. I've had tears, and major discussions with myself about what my life is about. There's a Kenny Chesney song with a lyric that goes:

"She said the girl I was with the business degree probably wouldn't recognize me.
I was gonna run the bank.
I was gonna run the math.
Now all I want to run is a bubble bath."

And that's how I feel. I'm the girl with the business degree and I know for a fact she wouldn't recognize me. I told Kyle when I was deciding to become a stay at home mom, that I needed a job description. I needed a list of his expectations because that's how my mind works. I like business. If this was any other job in the world, I honestly feel like I would have been fired by now. They're my kids and they're my husband so they can't fire me. I want to fire myself because I feel like I am failing at it...every single day. 

Here's what happened this morning. Like every morning, I'm running around like a crazy person changing diapers, wiping bottoms, grabbing Superman underwear, he wants Spiderman underwear, pouring milk, making it chocolate, he didn't want chocolate, making it regular again, making him a bowl of cereal, he didn't want milk, toss out the cereal, put cereal in a cup, looking for shoes and socks I know I saw the day before, picking up a milk cup off the ground, putting on mascara on the other eye I forgot, packing the ice pack in lunch so his yogurt stays cold, don't forget the spoon, chasing kids to comb their hair, convincing him to put his shoes on, he's looking for Batman, put your shoes on, I scream. I lose it. I lose my cool completely. I lose it so bad I have floated out of my body and the girl with the business degree looked down and wondered who that girl down there yelling at her 3 year old is. I turn everything over to God and pray for him to please show me the way, I don't like that person. I surrender to You. In the midst of fighting back my tears a few minutes later, my 3 year old walks over to me with all his innocence and says "Mommy, maybe if I hug you, you will feel better." Hello God. I lose it again, this time it's tears rolling down my face. I apologize and tell him I love him. We get in the car and he says "Are we best friends again?" I've been convicted. This was my AHA moment. I don't know what to do from here but I know I've reached the point where I need to be honest with myself and make some changes. Maybe it's ordering a book, (I already have one on the way), maybe it's spending more time alone, maybe it's deciding to get my house in order (ha), maybe it's talking with my doctor, maybe it's a bottle of wine with my girlfriends, maybe it's time away with my husband, go to the gym, get more involved at Church, who knows. Being a mom is hard, it's really hard, and no one tells you why it's hard. That's what I am here for.

Happy First Birthday Jett

Dear Jett,
I have no idea where time has gone this past year. I can still remember that moment where you kicked me one last time before they took you out of my belly, like it was a week ago! I know I say it all the time, but you are my ray of sunshine, my bright spot on dark days, and my cuddly lovey baby boy. You are so much fun to be around and have quite the funny personality. You adore your big brother and I know you will be great friends. It's such a joy and privilege to watch this special sibling bond form between you two. It's hard to say what toys you like to play with because you just want what Holt is playing with. You like to throw balls and chase them. You drop things and pick them up, you like to open and close doors, and you love to chase Bentley or daa-daa as you call him. That's your only word really, you know Bentley the doggy as daa-daa. Same as your older brother did. You say Mama when you are really mad or want some attention or to get down from your highchair, but I am not entirely sure you mean it as me your Mama. In the car you like to "talk" to me and Holt by getting us to copy what you are doing. We make the same sound and you copy us back. Holt thinks this is hilarious. You love bathtime and playing with a bunch of toys and sucking on washcloths. You also start bobbing up and down and flailing your arms when you hear music, you're quite the dancer.

We got off to a rocky start when you were born because you cried for the first 4 months of your life it seems like. I'm sure it wasn't that bad but when I think back to that time, it sure felt like it. The rest of the year you have spent on my hip or in my arms. There is really no place you would rather be. You reach to get down only to get there and turn and reach back up for me to hold you some more. I have gotten very talented at using one hand to get things done. I cherish the times that you still want to be held because before long you'll be off and running wanting to spend all your time with Holt. You are finally a great napper, but you have always been a great sleeper at night. You even reach for your bed when you are just done being rocked. Some nights you don't want to read your books even, you just lay your head down on my shoulder so I can rock you. It's so sweet. You are very happy unless you are teething. You got your top 4 teeth in about a week, and that explained a lot. Now you have 6 teefers!

You are a good eater, so far. You will try whatever I put in front of you and most the time you like it. You really like yogurt, meatballs, bananas, and eggs. I keep telling your brother that you will be bigger than him by next year if he doesn't start eating better! I am so proud of you and your willingness to try new foods! You adjusted great to whole milk, except for the whole tummy thing. Poor guy. We are officially bottle free, a feat I wasn't sure would happen because you really liked your bottle!

You love people. You don't really have much of the stranger anxiety, as long as I am near. You have even warmed up to other people holding you when I am around, but usually people you know. It's usually short lived, but it's a start. Daddy really loves it when you crawl over to his feet and reach up to be held. He gets really surprised that you want him and he just loves to know you love him so much too. You are also very sensitive. You do not like to hear the word "no". You almost immediately start crying and crawl over to me. I see what you're doing...and it's working.

I can only imagine what this next year holds for you as you grow and change into a little boy. You aren't quite ready to walk yet, but I'm sure you will be in a couple months. It's a joy to be your mommy and I'm holding you to that promise you made me...that you will be my baby boy forever.

One year stats:
21lbs 10oz (60%)
30.5in (75%)
Size 4 diaper
Size 4 shoe
12-18month clothes

Silly face

You were so happy to ride the carousel for the first time

Loves to swing

Trying to be like Holt

Cherishing these moments, they are over so quick

This is 30

I've contemplated writing this blog a lot. I figured I would go for it.  30 years is a long time. You meet people that make you who you are, you live through things that mold your character, you endure challenges. Or maybe you don't. I did and for me This is 30. This is personal, this is raw, this is real, this is my first 30 years. This is 30, a list of things that have made me who I am at 30, in chronological order, for the most part.

This is 7lbs 8oz at birth, born in Oklahoma City on September 4th 1983

This is getting a baby sister at age 3

This is have my innocence stolen by a daycare worker

This is moving to Oregon at 6

This is the loss of my Grandpa and Uncle within a month of each other

This is moving to Texas at 9

This is always being the shortest and smallest in my class

This is having a cosmetic procedure on my ears at 13 (they stuck out)

This is my parents divorce in 8th grade

This is getting braces in 10th grade

This is teenage girl drama

This is being accepted to TCU

This is first love heartbreak

This is my 2 half brothers being born

This is finding the love of my life and knowing it immediately

This is my first real job making $36,500

This is getting engaged on the empty lot where our home would be

This is my wedding day 

This is the loss of an addict Uncle

This is a career change and being the breadwinner

This is finding God

This is the birth of my first son

This is becoming a Stay at Home Mom

This is moving back to Houston

This is the birth of my second son

This is overcoming postpartum depression

This is a C section scar, a flabby tummy, and stretch marks

This is an imperfect body my husband thinks is perfect

This is learning to love myself again

This is hating myself for not loving myself

This is me questioning myself as a mother daily

This is seeing God in my life everyday

This is personal

This is Me

This is 30

This is 30, this was not easy to post

Jett is 11 months!

My oh my, where has this time gone? I can't believe he's so close to turning 1! I think about this time last year and how miserable I was getting and how excited I was to meet this baby, this big baby. Jett is learning more and more by the day. He's on the move cruising around trying to get big brother's toys. I don't even know what he likes because he's completely disinterested in baby toys. Nothing is as exciting as the Superheroes with buttons and lights! He does like his play and learn table still. He's climbing on more and more things, specifically places that give me heart attacks like the fireplace and step stools. There has not been a lot of changes other than just being more mobile. He really tries to say Mama, especially when he's bored or mad, but it comes out NeNe, haha! He can say Mama, but has not put the two together as far as identifying me. He's starting to learn words when I ask him where something is, mostly just family members but we are working on things like ball and book too. I keep waiting for him to start waving, which I know Holt was doing by now, but I also blame myself a lot for things like this. I had all my time to spend with Holt and teaching him words, sounds, objects, you name it. Poor Jett doesn't get the same undivided attention, but that comes with the territory of having more than one child. Any spare time I have with just me and Jett, I try to play or "teach" him, but once Holt is around, he just wants to be doing what he is doing.

He is still a major Mama's boy. He wants nothing to do with other people, mostly if I am around. Kyle always says, "He was fine until you walked in!" Haha! As soon as he sees me, it's like whoever just had him was torturing him tremendously. He's happiest on my hip or crawling at my feet.

We have introduced a lot a new food, not all of them I will remember, but I pretty much give him anything we are eating just to try. He has tried ravioli with tomato sauce, plums, peaches, pears, apples, meatballs, chicken nuggets, pasta, tortilla, waffles, pancakes, grilled cheese, PBJ, etc. Kyle gave him some PBJ one night without even remembering that babies are not supposed to consume it until after they are one, so luckily we found out he does not have a peanut allergy. Now he likes it just fine! Jett does pretty well with finger foods, but still eats baby food too. This is pretty odd for a baby of his age, but I'm ok with it because I know what he is getting. I can't say that he eats anything and everything I put in front of him, but he will almost always try it. He mostly just plays with it, but from the looks of him, he's not starving. He takes 4 6oz bottles a day and we have started to wean him from the bottle. This is not coming as easy as it did with Holt. I may just have to go cold turkey from the bottle because I do not want him on one after he is 1. We will also introduce some whole milk here and there over the next month until he is 1 so it is less of a shock to his system.

He takes 2 naps a day, one at 10:30 and one at 3. He does better sleeping later in the day because he gets really tired for bed around 7 or so. He is started to be able to take or leave his morning nap, so I am sure that will be dropped around 14 months or so, much like Holt did. I still prefer him to get his morning nap, but some times he just sits in there and plays for an hour and then I don't see the point! I would rather be out and about getting stuff done or going to the gym. His morning naps are short 30 minutes, sometimes a little longer and his afternoon naps are usually almost 2 hours. It's nice to know he is settled into a more regular sleep pattern since that was a big struggle for us early on. He sleeps from about 8-7:30. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but he's good for about 11 hours straight at night.

Some other facts:
12 month clothes, really need to find those 18 month hand me downs!
Size 4 diaper
Finger foods at every meal
Not a sippy cup perfectionist, but will at least drink from it now

He's my Mr. Million Dollar Smile! He has the BEST smile. I can't wait to see all the learning and growing in store these next few months for him!

Smash Cake Practice

Typical sight around here with boys, Night Stand-1 Jett-0