Thursday, January 20, 2011

Dear Breastfeeding...

Dear Breastfeeding,
Today is our six month Anniversary. We have had our ups and downs. To be honest, I thought I was going to dump you after about 3 weeks. Then I thought I would keep giving you chance after chance to prove yourself. I didn't see our relationship going past 6 months and here is why. You have made my life convenient and so inconvenient at the same time. You force me to wear maxi like pads inside my really ugly nursing bra everyday. When Holt leaves us, you sting me like needles if it would be time for him to eat. In order to stop that, you force me to hook up a machine to my boobs that makes me feel like Bessie the cow. SLURP SLURP SLURP. When I wake up in the morning I look like Pamela Anderson only to be disappointed after Holt's first feeding when I go back to looking like deflated water balloons. When I am done with you for good, I think I will get some new ones that permanently make me look like I do in the mornings. It will be the only way to get these puppies perky again. I have been a slave to a 3-4 hour time frame for 6 months now. A SLAVE I TELL YOU. When I'm out in public, you force me to feed in my car, closest dressing room, or rush home. I can get one errand done at a time. On road trips, I have had to pump in the front seat to prepare a bottle for Holt. This always brings on strange looks from the truckers in the next lane. At work I have to take 2 15 minute, awkward, pump breaks and conceal my baggie full of milk on the way to the freezer. I'm certain everyone knows what my oh so discreet black bag is for by now.

On the plus side, you help me calm down Holt in the middle of the night while he is growing or sick. Instead of having to spend 10 minutes warming a bottle in the middle of the night when Holt was a newborn, you were always ready to go. You have made him very healthy and strong. Holt has never even had a drop of formula and he is growing because of you. I know you have been good to us. This weekend I introduce a new friend, solid foods. I think I might keep you around a little while longer. But when Holt gets his first tooth, our relationship is officially over. Once I got the hang of you, you weren't so bad. Overall, I feel like Forrest Gump. "I figured since I'd gone this far, I might as well turn back, keep right on going."

Sincerely,
Mommy, Mama, Shea

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